So the time has come, again... where I start getting that itchy little feeling that comes from wanting more tattoos. I've been thinking about it a lot of late, planning them out so I utilise the best possible spaces on my body.
The Chinese characters (which I usually hate on people of non-Chinese descent) are a given, the unit for 'mother and daughter' but unsure where to get them. Since I decided I no longer want to work in an office, I feel better about getting tattoos on my legs. So the line-up is as follows;
Chinese characters on right ankle (inner or outer? Undecided...); sacred heart on left upper arm; large bow on lower back; bows on backs of thighs with seams 'drawn' up the centre of the leg; latin phrase on either left ankle or between my pin-up girls; pan chang Chinese knot on right inner wrist (to match the lotus on my left wrist). Anddd that's it for now.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Today was an utterly shit day.
I had a panic attack last night- I fear this going-off-my-meds expedition is not proving as fruitful as hoped. I have shed tears pretty much every day for the past week. Last night I was exhausted from work and it made me all teary. Then a cold word from S. pushed me over the edge. I shut myself in the walk-in and cried, feeling the overwhelming physical pain of it all washing over me. S. came in after a while and seemed to be frustrated, annoyed at the fact that I was crying. One of my greatest fears is that things will eventuate as they did the last time we were together, when we broke up amidst explosive arguments, tears, accusations. And when he seems cold and distant, when I so desperately want, need him to gather me in his arms, to truly comfort and reassure me that everything was ok.
Basically, the whole situation denigrated into a god-awful fight, concluded with me having a headache and being unable to sleep as I was terrified that he would be mad at me today.
And then today, despite having agreed to stay at my place tonight, he told me he would be staying at his place.
I do not pretend that I am right or that this is rational, but I felt, I feel, abandoned, bereft.
Then after an arduous day at work, I get on the train, only to be confronted by some kids (like 15) who tried to mug me. Luckily, this guy overheard and threatened them and they left me alone.
So now I'm sitting in my little tower, contemplating taking a sleeping pill just so I can get to sleep. I can never sleep when I'm by myself.
I had a panic attack last night- I fear this going-off-my-meds expedition is not proving as fruitful as hoped. I have shed tears pretty much every day for the past week. Last night I was exhausted from work and it made me all teary. Then a cold word from S. pushed me over the edge. I shut myself in the walk-in and cried, feeling the overwhelming physical pain of it all washing over me. S. came in after a while and seemed to be frustrated, annoyed at the fact that I was crying. One of my greatest fears is that things will eventuate as they did the last time we were together, when we broke up amidst explosive arguments, tears, accusations. And when he seems cold and distant, when I so desperately want, need him to gather me in his arms, to truly comfort and reassure me that everything was ok.
Basically, the whole situation denigrated into a god-awful fight, concluded with me having a headache and being unable to sleep as I was terrified that he would be mad at me today.
And then today, despite having agreed to stay at my place tonight, he told me he would be staying at his place.
I do not pretend that I am right or that this is rational, but I felt, I feel, abandoned, bereft.
Then after an arduous day at work, I get on the train, only to be confronted by some kids (like 15) who tried to mug me. Luckily, this guy overheard and threatened them and they left me alone.
So now I'm sitting in my little tower, contemplating taking a sleeping pill just so I can get to sleep. I can never sleep when I'm by myself.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Saturday night's alright...
Sooo it's Saturday night, and I spent it at my sister and her husband's house, accompanied by my parents and S. S and I were supposed to go for dessert with my best friend- she's off to Europe for 5 weeks from next weekend but alas, things did not go to plan. So we stopped at Krispy Kreme on the way home and I indulged my coffee/ chocolate craving with their divine Espresso Blendz English Toffee bev. It's fabulous, and I followed it up with a mocha and tiramisu doughnut. I do believe this weekend is a write-off in terms of calories :)
A few weeks ago, I mentioned to S how in France, they do not go on dates in the order with which Americans/ Australians are accustomed. They have sex in the afternoon, before one is all tired and full from dinner, when one is energetic. I must admit, I would find this rather difficult- I think as a woman, I enjoy the build-up, the anticipation and there is nothing like flattery and compliments to get the libido going... but S and I did attempt this today and the connection one feels afterwards does seem to add the enjoyment of the evening.
On a completely separate note...
I am absolutely hanging out to see the final episode of Master Chef tomorrow night! I shall be devastated when it's over- what will I watch at 7pm now??
I must confess, I have the BIGGEST girl-crush on Poh! Not that I want to sleep with her (she's far too skinny for my tastes) but I hink she'd be awesome to hang out with. Not to mention, she's Malaysian-born Chinese and just too cute with her awesome use of cream blush.
I did worry initially that my girl-crush would cast me as silly in S's eyes but he has assured me it's rather endearing.
I start a six-day work week tomorrow, which I am not looking forward to. Sigh. Why can't I just be a fabulous domestic goddess and the perfect housewife? Not working, but cooking delish foods and waiting for my hubby to bring home the bacon?
A few weeks ago, I mentioned to S how in France, they do not go on dates in the order with which Americans/ Australians are accustomed. They have sex in the afternoon, before one is all tired and full from dinner, when one is energetic. I must admit, I would find this rather difficult- I think as a woman, I enjoy the build-up, the anticipation and there is nothing like flattery and compliments to get the libido going... but S and I did attempt this today and the connection one feels afterwards does seem to add the enjoyment of the evening.
On a completely separate note...
I am absolutely hanging out to see the final episode of Master Chef tomorrow night! I shall be devastated when it's over- what will I watch at 7pm now??
I must confess, I have the BIGGEST girl-crush on Poh! Not that I want to sleep with her (she's far too skinny for my tastes) but I hink she'd be awesome to hang out with. Not to mention, she's Malaysian-born Chinese and just too cute with her awesome use of cream blush.
I did worry initially that my girl-crush would cast me as silly in S's eyes but he has assured me it's rather endearing.
I start a six-day work week tomorrow, which I am not looking forward to. Sigh. Why can't I just be a fabulous domestic goddess and the perfect housewife? Not working, but cooking delish foods and waiting for my hubby to bring home the bacon?
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